Craving Gifts

Sometimes I want chocolate so badly, I could wrestle a small child to the ground to get it.

Any time is cake o'clock

To do before Saturday...

Ice Cream Dreams.

"Each order comes with 10 minutes of free guilt counseling."

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

'I need affordable daycare now!'

'Honey. . . I'm ommmmmmmmmmmmmmm.'

"Hold up ... where’s the ranch dressing?"

'How are we supposed to think the unthinkable if we have to drink the drinkable?'

'Are these mushrooms edible?'

Pizza and Related Searches.

Somewhere In France...The Watsons have just discovered that English is not the universal language after all.

I have obscured the view at Greenwich, the Tower, Westminster and St. Pauls.

'Diet Plan Rule number one: Stop using ice cream truck music as your ringtone.'

"Any cravings?"

Overeaters anonymous meeting 9 to 10pm

"Man, what I wouldn't do for some Chinese take-out."

Waiter, there's a wireless earbud phone in my soup.

'I do try to walk more! The donut shop is a good 1/2 block further tan the health food store!'

"It's tough sticking to a diet when you're surrounded by temptation."

'I've started this new 'Detox' diet - no caffeine or alcohol...no processed foods...

"I always drink from a travel mug. It makes me feel like I'm out of the house."

Twitching coffee shop.

"You are right...testing shows you have chocolate in your DNA."

'It better be good - we only eat once a month.'

'I know you live a life of quiet desperation -- you never shut up about it!'

"The English never draw a line without blurring it."

'Yo yo brother, I gotta bounce.'

"I screamed for ice cream and all I got was 15 minutes in the Time Out chair."

'I've decided to help you diet. I had invisible fencing installed around the refrigerator.'

Exercise for fat people.

"Doctor, there is a correlation between violence and the low-fat diet. Right now, I'd kill for a doughnut!"

'This one is a dieter's dream! Any visits to it between meals and it self destructs!'

'I'm highly motivated to diet. Unfortunately I'm more motivated to eat.'