Cracker Critic Gifts

"Polly doesn't want THAT cracker."

Dr. Saltine, pioneer of salt transplants.

"There's no nutritional value in a cracker!"

"What I'd give for a stimulating conversation..."

"This just in: one of us always tells lies; the other always tells the truth. Who's who? Stay tuned."

'Three weeks of brutal alimony negotiations, Polly, and you settle for a cracker!'

Browned off cows. They can't pull a cracker.

'You reek of crackers.'

How The Ice Age Began: 'OK, can we freeze it right there...'

"We like to think he's experimenting with color and form, but his art therapist suggested we're not giving him enough candy."

"Put away the gummy candies and bring out the apples. The kid's mother is our dentist!"

"Do you know donuts have fewer calories than you? I guess that would explain your muffin top."

"Maybe I've been brainwashed, but at this point I do believe I actually want a goddamn cracker."

'...And an extra packet of crackers! It's our Anniversary!'

'Dear father for what I am about to receive I give thee thanks.'

Do Not Enter and No U Turns

"The real question is do you really need a cracker?"

"The originator of the office birthday party."

C is for Cracker

A parrot business meeting

"Med Brittle"

'Number 19 across, 5 letter word, starts with 't', ends with 'h'...' 'How about truth?'

Polly want a cracker?

Candy Land for Adults

"Let's see if there's another witch's cottage with a better candy selection."

"I got horse dewormer..."

'I don't like to complain, but I'm getting a little tired of crudités.'

"Poor Sadie, this Pesach she finally cracked."

'Where did you get the idea that crackers are a minimum daily requirement?'

'I hate chocolates that are gooey inside but I love Valentine's cards that are all gooey inside.'

The originator of the office birthday party.

At the party, nobody like the fruitcake.

'Oh no, how do I tell them that I don't like Angel Food cake?'