Cow Connoisseur Gifts

"That's the main problem with your rear wheel drive model!"

Bull

'I can't work out why I keep getting these blinding headaches!'

Who'd have thought a mere candle up the rear would yield such a spectacular effect!

"Gesundheit."

"Well, I've got his test results. . . I'm afraid he's allergic to dairy!"

The Pooperrazzi

'NONE SHALL PASS! Except that little splash...that doesn't really count!'

If cows would write fairy tales...

'A rare moonlit photo of Moomoo, the killer cow raised by a wolf pack.'

Faux Poop!

Farmer to son: 'For heaven's sake Jeb! Get Bessie out of that tall grass now! Can't you see she's full of ticks?!'

Well, we fancied a bit of herbal!

Pimp my cow.

"CSI Tulsa"

'We're going to be stuck together in the barn over the whole of winter: Can we please get along?'

Mootooth.

Don't kid yourself. You're as much a prisoner here as I am.

"I had that James Herriot bloke in the back of my cow the other day..."

"Maybe we'd have more of an appetite if we didn't graze all day."

"Okay, now we're too domesticated."

'I know you're really proud, dear. But, don't you think people might think you're bragging?'

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

Chase me, chase me cows.

"No, I like the plan. Just saying, have you ever done any actual tunnelling?"

'The circle is complete!'

"And, when the DNA test results arrived, the woman realized her so-called 'little terrier mix' had been part German shepherd all along."

Cow's Last Will and Testament.

'Have you tried pulling the udders?'

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

One Man's Meat is Another Man's Poetry

I'm prepared to admit that you may have startled me a bit, sure!

'Oh, really?... I'm actually more of a dog person.'

A cow poos down a hole.'UH-OH!'

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"