Covert Job Hunter Pillows

'Thought I'd run off a couple of resum?s while the boss is out.'

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

'Someone important is bound to see my resume now!'

'Actually, there's no interview necessary. Just pull out the sword and the job's yours.'

"The election's over, Trump won, the illegals are being deported and I'm here for one of them there high-paying American jobs he promised."

And I like to call this my 'dance of the enhanced PEP at alternative firms'.

Help wanted. Various positions available.

"This is one of those great jobs you'd be willing to do for free. Will you do it for free?"

'I think I'm decisive. Can I get back to you on that?'

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

'Henry has found his niche with us.'

"How's the job interviews going?" "Not well. Seems they only want the best and the brightest."

"We were looking for somebody with experience in mumbo-jumbo but your resume is mainly about gobbledegook."

'You don't want the job, do you?'

Park bench reserved for Mi6 recruitment.

'Have you got a resume?'

How do you fell about buying your own health insurance?

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

"I enjoyed your resume, young man - especially the hand-written addendum from your mom."

Multi-Species Employment Agency. Did you hire the octopus for that job opening? Yeah, but I did interview other applicants. The frog was a strong candidate ... I'm flexible on location -- I'm an amphibian! The whale seemed to be hiding something. The gap in my resume? Uh ... I was beached for a while. And the pig wasn't smart. I see "USDA Approved" on your resume --- I don't think you understand what that means. The octopus got the job because he was a great multitasker!

Are you able to concentrate on your work? My mind wanders a lot but fortunately it's too weak to go very far.

"Mrs. Simpson would like the recipe for your 'delicious steak pie', dear. Do you think you could dig the packet out of the recycling tub?"

'Mr. Barnes was going to interview you for the job, until he realized you were actually expecting financial compensation, benefits and vacation time.'

Your resume is only 8 words long! You're hired!

"I can see from your résumé that you're a man."

'...we are looking for someone with great interpersonal communication skills.'

"Do you have any other qualities to offer apart from loyalty?"

Being unable to clearly articulate responses to interview questions is a common mistake...

"We do price loyalty, but we were also rather hoping for a candidate who could read right and walk on two legs."

"You have excellent academic credentials and a wonderful work history but we try not to profile people."

'What about the rolls you promised me?'

'For a raise you must apply in person to our Bombay office...'

"Any other strengths?"

"Now I don't want to alarm you, but are you familiar with the term 'On the scrapheap'!"

'Oh I can be reliable and for an extra three hundred a week, I can be efficient too.'