Covert Job Hunter Gifts

'Thought I'd run off a couple of resum?s while the boss is out.'

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

'Someone important is bound to see my resume now!'

'Actually, there's no interview necessary. Just pull out the sword and the job's yours.'

And I like to call this my 'dance of the enhanced PEP at alternative firms'.

"The election's over, Trump won, the illegals are being deported and I'm here for one of them there high-paying American jobs he promised."

Help wanted. Various positions available.

"We were looking for somebody with experience in mumbo-jumbo but your resume is mainly about gobbledegook."

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

"This is one of those great jobs you'd be willing to do for free. Will you do it for free?"

'Henry has found his niche with us.'

'I think I'm decisive. Can I get back to you on that?'

"How's the job interviews going?" "Not well. Seems they only want the best and the brightest."

'You don't want the job, do you?'

'Have you got a resume?'

Park bench reserved for Mi6 recruitment.

'Mr. Barnes was going to interview you for the job, until he realized you were actually expecting financial compensation, benefits and vacation time.'

"Mrs. Simpson would like the recipe for your 'delicious steak pie', dear. Do you think you could dig the packet out of the recycling tub?"

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

How do you fell about buying your own health insurance?

"I enjoyed your resume, young man - especially the hand-written addendum from your mom."

Your resume is only 8 words long! You're hired!

"I can see from your résumé that you're a man."

'...we are looking for someone with great interpersonal communication skills.'

Being unable to clearly articulate responses to interview questions is a common mistake...

"We do price loyalty, but we were also rather hoping for a candidate who could read right and walk on two legs."

"Do you have any other qualities to offer apart from loyalty?"

"Now I don't want to alarm you, but are you familiar with the term 'On the scrapheap'!"

'For a raise you must apply in person to our Bombay office...'

"You have excellent academic credentials and a wonderful work history but we try not to profile people."

"Any other strengths?"

'What about the rolls you promised me?'

'Oh I can be reliable and for an extra three hundred a week, I can be efficient too.'

America's Biggest Export...