Courtship Analyst Gifts

The Giant Guardsman Chapters IX and x.

"Check it out! In nature, females are in charge...they select their mates!"

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

"Let's do it, let's fall in love!"

"I'll give you my unconditional love - on one condition."

"I used to know my wife's fondest dreams and desires, but now I leave that to Google."

"Will the role of wife call for any nudity?"

'First date with a logician - These venn Diagrams will save us a lot of time. We'll see where you fit in, where I fit in, and if any of it overlaps'

Deconstructionist girlfriend

"I love it when you quote my blog back to me."

"Estoy aqui abajo!" ( I'm down here!)

"Pretty Maiden where art thou?"

Romantic knight.

"Only one Valentines card? Still could have been a lot worse!"

"I wouldn’t go so far as to call Darren here an ‘imaginary friend’—he’s more of an imaginary acquaintance."

"If you think you've earned this by consistently retweeting my tweets -- you're right."

'I'm normally a leg man, but in your case.'

The Night is Young and you're so beautiful!

"I was quite a successful writer once...what sort of books are you interested in?"

Second dates are trickier. They ask the same questions as on the first date, looking for inconsistencies.

Young Accountants in Love: 'I didn't reach the same conclusion, Phil. In fact, my preliminary figures indicate we just can't go on meeting like this!'

"I could see my mating dance had caught her eye, so I put more energy into it, but I ended up sweaty and out of breath: she lost interest then. . ."

"Hitting me on the head with your club and dragging me by my hair back to the cave is not my idea of seduction."

"He wants to know if I'm alone."

"Rick, here, is totally passive, and you always have to be in control, so I thought you might like each other."

You're wearing your lab coat. What's up? Something big. Amending my unified theory of picking up chicks. Check it out. Explain, doctor. To start, you'll need a notepad and a gym membership.

"I'm writig a novel using our marriage as inspiration. It's called, 'This Sucks.'"

"My wife finds it natural to nag, so if you hear that I died of natural causes, you'll know why."

'My wife ran off with my best friend...I really miss him.'

Jung and in Love

He'd often look back and wonder what went wrong. She'd catch him sometimes and call the police.

'We have a good marriage, but not a marriage made in heaven.'

"No....wait! Let me guess...you're....Metrosexual!"

'Your father and I would rather you didn't go out tonight,Jessica dear!'

I drink to forget. Is that just for things in the past, or does it cover mistakes you might make later tonight?