Courtroom Fan Gifts

How to avoid law.

'All men are equal before the law... So how can a judge tell who's guilty and who's innocent?'

'Look your honor - we're all felons here, right?'

"It was a crime of passion, not the defendant's offense, out verdict."

Oscar would laugh whenever he recalled his empty existence before golf.

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

"We won!"

"Now that's a win."

You can take the boy out of Wimbledon...

Sue the Author 3PM

'I think I'll become a lawyer.'

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

"Now that I've swung back to depression, I'm truly sorry for what I did when I was manic."

"Never mind what I did, Your Honor. I want to be judged for who I am, as an individual."

"Lights! Camera! Justice!"

'Do you expect the jury to believe that? And, more importantly, do you expect the viewers of the eventual TV movie of this trial to believe it?'

'We have irreconcilable differences -- he's a MAN!'

"Better that a hundred guilty men go free than one innocent man be convicted, right?"

"They're class action figures."

"And finally, I implore the jury not to take my clients lack of alibi and blatant lies out of context."

Sue The Bastards

"Am I going to get my just desserts?"

'You are both charged with quarrelling without a license!'

"The ignorance of the lawyer is no excuse."

"Isn't it true that the prosecution offered you a bone to testify?"

"All I can figure is that he must have been inspecting the water quality of our lakes and rivers when he became entangled in cement."

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

'Then if there are no objections, we will recess until tomorrow morning.'

'If crime doesn't pay, how come there're so many criminal lawyers?'

"Jughead, Reggie, Betty, and Veronica—they've all been locked up. But you, Archie—I had higher hopes for you."

'You were convicted by the jury, but at least you were acquitted by the media.'

The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

I demand to see a lawyer. May I say, you've come to the right place.

"I was forced into early retirement. Is that even legal?"

'Our only option is to improve quality or hire more lawyers.'