Courtroom Fan Gifts

How to avoid law.

'All men are equal before the law... So how can a judge tell who's guilty and who's innocent?'

'Look your honor - we're all felons here, right?'

"It was a crime of passion, not the defendant's offense, out verdict."

Oscar would laugh whenever he recalled his empty existence before golf.

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

"We won!"

"Now that's a win."

You can take the boy out of Wimbledon...

Sue the Author 3PM

'I think I'll become a lawyer.'

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

"Now that I've swung back to depression, I'm truly sorry for what I did when I was manic."

"Never mind what I did, Your Honor. I want to be judged for who I am, as an individual."

"Lights! Camera! Justice!"

'Do you expect the jury to believe that? And, more importantly, do you expect the viewers of the eventual TV movie of this trial to believe it?'

'We have irreconcilable differences -- he's a MAN!'

"Better that a hundred guilty men go free than one innocent man be convicted, right?"

"And finally, I implore the jury not to take my clients lack of alibi and blatant lies out of context."

"Am I going to get my just desserts?"

"They're class action figures."

Sue The Bastards

"The ignorance of the lawyer is no excuse."

'You are both charged with quarrelling without a license!'

"Isn't it true that the prosecution offered you a bone to testify?"

'We've conducted a chemical analysis of the beef in hot dogs, and we've determined, Mr Ruth, you are guilty of steroid enhancement.'

"All I can figure is that he must have been inspecting the water quality of our lakes and rivers when he became entangled in cement."

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

I demand to see a lawyer. May I say, you've come to the right place.

The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

"I was forced into early retirement. Is that even legal?"

"Jughead, Reggie, Betty, and Veronica—they've all been locked up. But you, Archie—I had higher hopes for you."

'You were convicted by the jury, but at least you were acquitted by the media.'

Jury Selection Today. Have any of you been friended by the defendant on Facebook?

'If crime doesn't pay, how come there're so many criminal lawyers?'