Crafty Courtroom Fan Gifts

"Your honor, we find the defendant quilty on all counts."

"Objection, Your Honor! Alleged killer whale."

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

"We won!"

"Now that's a win."

Sue the Author 3PM

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

'I think I'll become a lawyer.'

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

"Now that I've swung back to depression, I'm truly sorry for what I did when I was manic."

"Never mind what I did, Your Honor. I want to be judged for who I am, as an individual."

"Lights! Camera! Justice!"

"I'm sorry, sir, but I've got to ask you another question. I heard someone in the courtroom shout out the correct answer."

'Do you expect the jury to believe that? And, more importantly, do you expect the viewers of the eventual TV movie of this trial to believe it?'

'We have irreconcilable differences -- he's a MAN!'

"The ignorance of the lawyer is no excuse."

Sue The Bastards

"Better that a hundred guilty men go free than one innocent man be convicted, right?"

'You are both charged with quarrelling without a license!'

"Am I going to get my just desserts?"

"They're class action figures."

"And finally, I implore the jury not to take my clients lack of alibi and blatant lies out of context."

"Isn't it true that the prosecution offered you a bone to testify?"

'We've conducted a chemical analysis of the beef in hot dogs, and we've determined, Mr Ruth, you are guilty of steroid enhancement.'

"All I can figure is that he must have been inspecting the water quality of our lakes and rivers when he became entangled in cement."

"Thank you for the rewind, Miss Cooper. Now let us fast-forward to that fateful moment in February and hit the pause button."

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

'Furthermore, had a handrail been fitted to the wall , my client would not be sitting here now.'

Jury Selection Today. Have any of you been friended by the defendant on Facebook?

"Jughead, Reggie, Betty, and Veronica—they've all been locked up. But you, Archie—I had higher hopes for you."

"I was forced into early retirement. Is that even legal?"

I demand to see a lawyer. May I say, you've come to the right place.

'If crime doesn't pay, how come there're so many criminal lawyers?'

'You were convicted by the jury, but at least you were acquitted by the media.'