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Mistress Dominatra, Esq.

'Are you capable of distinguishing right from wrong?'

'I'm granting your divorce and ordering you both be released back into the wild.'

'Saddam today refused to answer any questions unless he's represented by a 'celebrity lawyer' such as F. Lee Bailey or Johnnie Cochran...'

'I guess there's a lack of big trials. Court TV is carrying a tennis match.'

A lawyer is addressed by the judge in court - 'Seven years of Law at Harvard and the best you can do is 'liar, liar, pants on fire?!'...'

"You have been found guilty of smug self-righteous pseudo-spirituality. I sentenced you to a period of six months with your wind chimes strapped to your head."

"My client was unaware that public waste disposal places exist, as she only watches TRASH on the television."

'I admit I robbed the bank, Your Honor, but what's done is done.'

Fat Cowboy.

'You are a disgrace to the celebrity profession. I sentence you to three years in reality TV shows.'

Julian Assange

'There has to be something!' (John Roberts confirmation hearings)

'You were guarding the place. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't know what was growing all around you?'

'You'll hear from my Attorney General!'

Lawyers - A peroration a la Demosthenes

"How do you plead - quilty or not quilty?"

Trial by Media

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

"Objection, Your Honor! Alleged killer whale."

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

Questions about an old case refuse to go away. . .

"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

"We won!"

I love Lawyers

Sue the Author 3PM

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

Barristers

"Now that's a win."

"Whoa, don't ask constitutional questions you don't want to know the answers to."

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

'I think I'll become a lawyer.'

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."