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"My client was hunted down, arrested, held against his will and forced to defend himself. Let's not forget who the real victim is."

Trial by Media

"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

"We won!"

"Now that's a win."

Barristers

Sue the Author 3PM

"Whoa, don't ask constitutional questions you don't want to know the answers to."

You don't believe I could be a supreme court justice! You're ruining my self-esteem! F.Y.I? � Whiny tirades don't look good on a supreme court justice's record. Thank you for your candid assessments. I will certainly consider their merits. Fine judicial temperament. And reject them for their shallow insensitivity! Rejection overruled.

'I think I'll become a lawyer.'

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

"I felt I could make more of a difference within the system."

'Wow! I never before saw such a strenuous objection.'

"Now that I've swung back to depression, I'm truly sorry for what I did when I was manic."

"Never mind what I did, Your Honor. I want to be judged for who I am, as an individual."

Prosecution bears the burden of proof. Defense bears the burden of twisting and distorting said proof.

"Lights! Camera! Justice!"

'We have irreconcilable differences -- he's a MAN!'

"Objection! Pummelling the witness."

'Do you expect the jury to believe that? And, more importantly, do you expect the viewers of the eventual TV movie of this trial to believe it?'

'The next case Your Honor, is a palimony suit. The ant vs the grasshopper.'

"The ignorance of the lawyer is no excuse."

'Your mom is probably watching. Go for the jugular.'

"Am I going to get my just desserts?"

"Boy is he good! He's even got me convinced you're guilty!"

Sue The Bastards

"And finally, I implore the jury not to take my clients lack of alibi and blatant lies out of context."

Robert Macaire as a Solicitor

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

"Better that a hundred guilty men go free than one innocent man be convicted, right?"

'You are both charged with quarrelling without a license!'

"They're class action figures."

'This could be me and you, your honor. Heading for Las Vegas!'