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"Ignorance of the law is no excuse." "I didn't know that, either..."

"So, before passing judgment, please consider that science now shows that the male brain is not fully developed until never."

"Are you telling me that just because something is against the law, that makes it illegal?"

"It's what I do."

"Never mind what I did, Your Honor. I want to be judged for who I am, as an individual."

"I'm going to get you acquitted, but I want my fee to be a lesson to you."

"Having reviewed the charges against you, your defense team believes that honesty is not an option."

Nude Defending a Staircase

'I see you got a 74 in your chemistry final, and still you call yourself an expert witness.'

'Our only option is to improve quality or hire more lawyers.'

'Objection! The Prosecution is attempting to lead the witness!'

'OK, OK, you've made your point. I'll admit that sometimes when I feel threatened, I snap.'

"Earlier you testified, and I quote: 'I wouldn't hurt a fly.' And yet police found this unregistered weapon in your home, along with several dead flies."

Frankly, I'm dubious about Amalgamated Smelting and Refining pleading innocent to their anti-trust violiation due to insanity.

".. and these are my lawyers." - There was something about him that should have made me realise this patient was trouble.

'How come when I appeared for you as an expert witness, I was an 'eminent physician'? And now that you're representing a law suit against me I'm an 'incompetent quack'?'

'I swear to tell the truth,the whole truth,and nothing but the truth, from my perspective.'

'How could you swindle those good people who trusted you?'

"Moose told Dog, and Dog told Frog, and Frog told Kitty, and Kitty told me."

''How do you plead' is just a legal term.'

"I am in so much trouble."

"In my opinion, the flimsy construction of their homes indicates the pigs' desire to be eaten."

It's hard to defend plagiarism.

"I object, Your Honor! This line of questioning is really weird."

'I'll answer the question provided you listen without interrupting, commenting or passing judgment.'

"Ever have one of those days when you feel like just letting all the lower court ruling stand."

'Through no fault of my own, I have a tendency to shade the truth.'

Lawyer to client: 'Your slip and fall on ice would have more credibility if you weren't drinking ice tea at the time ... at South Beach.'

"You're doing fine. A little more perjury and you'll be out of the woods."

"I know I'm perjuring myself, but I'm trying to make a point!"

The Manipulation of Justice

'We're appealing your case all the way until your money runs out.'

"We ask that bail be set at $1,000. The defendant poses a significant flight risk."

'Remember me, Fred? I sat next to you in class. I'm the one you said would never amount to anything.'

'Do you honestly expect this court to believe, Mr. Chicken, that your only reason for crossing the road, on the night in question, was to get to the other side?'