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'Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?'

'There you go, bringing up the PAST again!'

Trial by Media

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

"We won!"

"Now that's a win."

Barristers

Sue the Author 3PM

"Whoa, don't ask constitutional questions you don't want to know the answers to."

'I think I'll become a lawyer.'

First you're a law student, then you're a lawyer, then you're a judge, then you're a politician, then you're a criminal.

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

"I felt I could make more of a difference within the system."

'Wow! I never before saw such a strenuous objection.'

"Now that I've swung back to depression, I'm truly sorry for what I did when I was manic."

"Never mind what I did, Your Honor. I want to be judged for who I am, as an individual."

Prosecution bears the burden of proof. Defense bears the burden of twisting and distorting said proof.

"Not guilty?"

"Lights! Camera! Justice!"

'Do you expect the jury to believe that? And, more importantly, do you expect the viewers of the eventual TV movie of this trial to believe it?'

'We have irreconcilable differences -- he's a MAN!'

"Objection! Pummelling the witness."

'This could be me and you, your honor. Heading for Las Vegas!'

"They're class action figures."

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

"And finally, I implore the jury not to take my clients lack of alibi and blatant lies out of context."

Robert Macaire as a Solicitor

"Better that a hundred guilty men go free than one innocent man be convicted, right?"

"I'm not leading the witness; I'm winding up my segment on heinous crimes!"

"The ignorance of the lawyer is no excuse."

Sue The Bastards

"Am I going to get my just desserts?"