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'Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?'

'There you go, bringing up the PAST again!'

Trial by Media

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

"We won!"

Sue the Author 3PM

Barristers

"Now that's a win."

"Whoa, don't ask constitutional questions you don't want to know the answers to."

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

You don't believe I could be a supreme court justice! You're ruining my self-esteem! F.Y.I? � Whiny tirades don't look good on a supreme court justice's record. Thank you for your candid assessments. I will certainly consider their merits. Fine judicial temperament. And reject them for their shallow insensitivity! Rejection overruled.

'I think I'll become a lawyer.'

First you're a law student, then you're a lawyer, then you're a judge, then you're a politician, then you're a criminal.

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

"Now that I've swung back to depression, I'm truly sorry for what I did when I was manic."

'Wow! I never before saw such a strenuous objection.'

"I felt I could make more of a difference within the system."

"Never mind what I did, Your Honor. I want to be judged for who I am, as an individual."

Prosecution bears the burden of proof. Defense bears the burden of twisting and distorting said proof.

"Not guilty?"

"Lights! Camera! Justice!"

"Objection! Pummelling the witness."

'Do you expect the jury to believe that? And, more importantly, do you expect the viewers of the eventual TV movie of this trial to believe it?'

'We have irreconcilable differences -- he's a MAN!'

"Better that a hundred guilty men go free than one innocent man be convicted, right?"

Robert Macaire as a Solicitor

Sue The Bastards

"And finally, I implore the jury not to take my clients lack of alibi and blatant lies out of context."

'This could be me and you, your honor. Heading for Las Vegas!'

"They're class action figures."

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

'You are both charged with quarrelling without a license!'

"The ignorance of the lawyer is no excuse."