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"Whoever she runs to wins custody."

'Make him laugh, make him cry.'

Trial by Media

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

"We won!"

"Now that's a win."

Barristers

Sue the Author 3PM

"Whoa, don't ask constitutional questions you don't want to know the answers to."

'I think I'll become a lawyer.'

You don't believe I could be a supreme court justice! You're ruining my self-esteem! F.Y.I? � Whiny tirades don't look good on a supreme court justice's record. Thank you for your candid assessments. I will certainly consider their merits. Fine judicial temperament. And reject them for their shallow insensitivity! Rejection overruled.

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

"Now that I've swung back to depression, I'm truly sorry for what I did when I was manic."

"So, just to be clear: the 'voices inside your head' told you to launder the money from forfeited law enforcement seizures in exchange for federal tax breaks for your Uncle Mark in Costa Rica?"

"I felt I could make more of a difference within the system."

'Wow! I never before saw such a strenuous objection.'

"Never mind what I did, Your Honor. I want to be judged for who I am, as an individual."

Prosecution bears the burden of proof. Defense bears the burden of twisting and distorting said proof.

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

"Lights! Camera! Justice!"

'We have irreconcilable differences -- he's a MAN!'

"Objection! Pummelling the witness."

"I'm sorry, sir, but I've got to ask you another question. I heard someone in the courtroom shout out the correct answer."

'Do you expect the jury to believe that? And, more importantly, do you expect the viewers of the eventual TV movie of this trial to believe it?'

"The ignorance of the lawyer is no excuse."

'The next case Your Honor, is a palimony suit. The ant vs the grasshopper.'

Robert Macaire as a Solicitor

'You are both charged with quarrelling without a license!'

"They're class action figures."

Sue The Bastards

"Am I going to get my just desserts?"

"Better that a hundred guilty men go free than one innocent man be convicted, right?"