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"Angelo tells us you haven't been laughing."

"Objection, Your Honor! Alleged killer whale."

"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

"We won!"

Sue the Author 3PM

"Now that's a win."

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

'I think I'll become a lawyer.'

First you're a law student, then you're a lawyer, then you're a judge, then you're a politician, then you're a criminal.

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

"Now that I've swung back to depression, I'm truly sorry for what I did when I was manic."

"Never mind what I did, Your Honor. I want to be judged for who I am, as an individual."

"Not guilty?"

"Lights! Camera! Justice!"

'We have irreconcilable differences -- he's a MAN!'

'Do you expect the jury to believe that? And, more importantly, do you expect the viewers of the eventual TV movie of this trial to believe it?'

"I'm sorry, sir, but I've got to ask you another question. I heard someone in the courtroom shout out the correct answer."

'Make him laugh, make him cry.'

"They're class action figures."

"And finally, I implore the jury not to take my clients lack of alibi and blatant lies out of context."

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

"Better that a hundred guilty men go free than one innocent man be convicted, right?"

'You are both charged with quarrelling without a license!'

"Am I going to get my just desserts?"

"The ignorance of the lawyer is no excuse."

Sue The Bastards

"Mr. Pope, please give this summons to your boss. The prosecutor wants to know how god can allow so much misery."

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

Pre-Minstrel Tension

'This could be me and you, your honor. Heading for Las Vegas!'

Contest of wills.

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

"Isn't it true that the prosecution offered you a bone to testify?"

'We've conducted a chemical analysis of the beef in hot dogs, and we've determined, Mr Ruth, you are guilty of steroid enhancement.'