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"We find the defendent guilty of gaslighting, lovebombing, and first degree breadcrumbing."

"I'm keeping a diary. If ever there is a court case I don't want to have to rely on my memory!"

Trial by Media

"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

"We won!"

"Now that's a win."

Barristers

Sue the Author 3PM

"Whoa, don't ask constitutional questions you don't want to know the answers to."

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

'I think I'll become a lawyer.'

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

"I felt I could make more of a difference within the system."

'Wow! I never before saw such a strenuous objection.'

"Now that I've swung back to depression, I'm truly sorry for what I did when I was manic."

"Never mind what I did, Your Honor. I want to be judged for who I am, as an individual."

Prosecution bears the burden of proof. Defense bears the burden of twisting and distorting said proof.

"Lights! Camera! Justice!"

'We have irreconcilable differences -- he's a MAN!'

'Do you expect the jury to believe that? And, more importantly, do you expect the viewers of the eventual TV movie of this trial to believe it?'

"Objection! Pummelling the witness."

Robert Macaire as a Solicitor

'This could be me and you, your honor. Heading for Las Vegas!'

"Boy is he good! He's even got me convinced you're guilty!"

'The next case Your Honor, is a palimony suit. The ant vs the grasshopper.'

"The ignorance of the lawyer is no excuse."

'You are both charged with quarrelling without a license!'

"Am I going to get my just desserts?"

"And finally, I implore the jury not to take my clients lack of alibi and blatant lies out of context."

"I'm not leading the witness; I'm winding up my segment on heinous crimes!"

'Your mom is probably watching. Go for the jugular.'

Sue The Bastards

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

"They're class action figures."