Courtroom Comedy Buff Gifts

'We the jury find my nephew NOT GUILTY.'

"I'm agreeable to a continuance, your honor, but I just want to check with my agent."

'Ah, but he told me to stop him if I'd heard it before!'

'I have to talk to my lawyer about the deal he made to get me a suspended sentence.'

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

Questions about an old case refuse to go away. . .

'So Captain Ahab, I put it to you that you were deliberately stalking my client!'

'I got an alleged C on my criminal law test.'

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

"Just for the heck of it, how do you plead?"

My Brother Al once went through a period of depression, your honor. He would just sit around in his robe all day. Then his psychiatrist got him out of his funk. Would you like to have his doctor's phone number? ? ?

"Oh dear, it's just as we suspected.. they do come from another planet."

"Bailiff."

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

Junior barrister prompting a deaf and testy chief

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

Law School teacher.

"You can't plead cute."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"Have you, or any of your acquaintances, ever been described as 'frolicsome'?"

"Helen, I have decided to seek a change of venue, since it has grown increasingly obvious that I can no longer get a fair trial in this household."

"#notguilty."

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

Lawyer to bad hair lady: 'It's difficult to establish pain and suffering based on a bad hair day.'

"Never mind what I did, Your Honor. I want to be judged for who I am, as an individual."

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

"Not guilty?"

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."