Courtroom Coffee Drinker Gifts

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

"This is my client's videotaped deposition—please be considerate and rewind after viewing."

"Permission To Treat Prosecutor as Hostile, Your Honor?"

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

"I tried being a stay-at-home dad. But I found out that being a stay-at-work dad is far less stressful."

"Let's take in a trial."

"In my client's defence, the label on the bottle clearly read, 'rat poison'...not 'people poison'."

"Love is grand... divorce is a hundred grand."

'I've never sued anyone but I bet I'll be good at it.'

'We find the defendant to be dead meat.'

'Come to order' 'I'll have a burger, hold the mayo, and a large cola.'

He was good. Real good.

'Your Honor, my client is incontinent to stand trail...'

"Certainly you're entitled to justice, if you can show that you deserve it."

'Do you still insist on taking the fifth on how many fifths you took on the fifth?'

"No it's not. That's his defense lawyer."

"It was a typical 'His lawyer said/Her lawyer said' situation."

'I object to the prosecution calling my client a liar. The witness is merely fact-based reality challenged.'

'During discovery we found five more things to bill about.'

"Case dismissed."

"Isn't it enough that I know the truth?"

"You want the truth, the whole truth, or nothing but the truth?"

'Your Honor, my client pleads not guilty by reason of a living Constitution!'

"Please read back that last remark in a more murdery voice."

"Counsel will be advised to not text message the witness."

"Sentencing...my gut feeling is disembowelment...but my head says decapitation."

'We find for the defendant, but we're really not too crazy about his claim.'

"We need two crates of lager and a bottle of scotch."