Courtroom Antics Appreciator Gifts

'I object to the prosecution calling my client a liar. The witness is merely fact-based reality challenged.'

I love Lawyers

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

"I've learned something in this trial. My firm needs to hire that prosecutor."

"I object!" "Overruled!"

"Not guilty?"

"This is my client's videotaped deposition—please be considerate and rewind after viewing."

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

"Well, heck! If all you smart cookies agree, who am I to dissent?"

"I've asked you not to overrule me in front of the children."

'The Grand Jury doesn't understand me...'

"In a just world we'd have 'No Lawyer Left Behind'."

The Birth of a Lawsuit

"Permission To Treat Prosecutor as Hostile, Your Honor?"

'Don't blame the lawyer!'

"...And the court awards you twenty five thousand for the loss of faculty in your right arm."

'No need to text me the answer to that. I'm right here.'

Say what? Johnnie Cochran died in 2005?

"I'm popping out for a tinkle."

'Every day, I'm suing better and better...'

'At first it was a few dollars here and a few dollars there. Then I realized I'd have to pay my lawyer.'

RBG, RGB, CMYK

"Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to sue, and he'll eat for a lifetime."

"Can you hear me now?"

Criminal Stupidness

There's no such thing as "The Fruit Basket Defense." By any chance, are you referring to "The Fruit of the Poisonous Tree"? That's evidence that was obtained by an illegal action and must be considered inadmissible. Yeah! What you said!!!

AMERICAN CIVIL LIBERTIES UNION ACLU, HELP TAKE A BITE OUT OF LAW, 'I like it!'

"Your Honor, the witness, in my opinion, has failed to establish credibility."

"Not guilty, Your Honor, on the basis of a previously undiagnosed and untreated case of Integrity Deficit Disorder!"

Judge

'He'll be really p****d if he doesn't get nominated for an award this year.'

'Sorry, but I do not recall that incident either.'

'Great. Another trainee lawyer.'

'They profiled me just because I'm a bank robber!'