Courtroom Antics Appreciator Pillows

'I object to the prosecution calling my client a liar. The witness is merely fact-based reality challenged.'

I love Lawyers

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

"I object!" "Overruled!"

"I've learned something in this trial. My firm needs to hire that prosecutor."

"Not guilty?"

"This is my client's videotaped deposition—please be considerate and rewind after viewing."

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

"Well, heck! If all you smart cookies agree, who am I to dissent?"

"I've asked you not to overrule me in front of the children."

'The Grand Jury doesn't understand me...'

"In a just world we'd have 'No Lawyer Left Behind'."

"Permission To Treat Prosecutor as Hostile, Your Honor?"

The Birth of a Lawsuit

'Don't blame the lawyer!'

"...And the court awards you twenty five thousand for the loss of faculty in your right arm."

'No need to text me the answer to that. I'm right here.'

'Every day, I'm suing better and better...'

"I'm popping out for a tinkle."

'At first it was a few dollars here and a few dollars there. Then I realized I'd have to pay my lawyer.'

"Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to sue, and he'll eat for a lifetime."

"Can you hear me now?"

Criminal Stupidness

'Great. Another trainee lawyer.'

'They profiled me just because I'm a bank robber!'

AMERICAN CIVIL LIBERTIES UNION ACLU, HELP TAKE A BITE OUT OF LAW, 'I like it!'

"Your Honor, the witness, in my opinion, has failed to establish credibility."

'Sorry, but I do not recall that incident either.'

'He'll be really p****d if he doesn't get nominated for an award this year.'

Judge

"Not guilty, Your Honor, on the basis of a previously undiagnosed and untreated case of Integrity Deficit Disorder!"

"This is a complex matter, we can't keep repeating 'Possession is nine tenths of the law' at the judge."