Courtroom Chaos Appreciator Gifts

"No, of course there isn't, 'one law for the rich and another for the poor'... There's no law for the poor."

I love Lawyers

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"Bailiff."

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

"I've learned something in this trial. My firm needs to hire that prosecutor."

"I object!" "Overruled!"

"This is my client's videotaped deposition—please be considerate and rewind after viewing."

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

"Well, heck! If all you smart cookies agree, who am I to dissent?"

"I've asked you not to overrule me in front of the children."

The Birth of a Lawsuit

"In a just world we'd have 'No Lawyer Left Behind'."

"I think I'm as patient as the next person, but my husband wouldn't stop saying 'yo,' so I shot him."

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

'The Grand Jury doesn't understand me...'

'Don't blame the lawyer!'

"...And the court awards you twenty five thousand for the loss of faculty in your right arm."

'Every day, I'm suing better and better...'

'It wasn't a hate crime, Your Honor — I actually kind of liked the guy.'

"Your honor, I intend to put the system on trial."

'At first it was a few dollars here and a few dollars there. Then I realized I'd have to pay my lawyer.'

"Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to sue, and he'll eat for a lifetime."

'Hmmm...It is: innocent until proven guilty? Or is it: guilty until proven innocent?'

"Not guilty"

Criminal Stupidness

"Objections overruled...I also think the defendent looks extremly dodgy"

'I bet this is going to be another round of criminal bashing, isn't it?'

"In view of the new evidence, my client would like to change his plea to 'guilty-ish', M'Lud."

'Great. Another trainee lawyer.'

"Not guilty by virtue of reasonable doubt."