Court Chaos Enthusiast Gifts

'And there's the horn to end the first half...'

I love Lawyers

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

"Bailiff."

"I've learned something in this trial. My firm needs to hire that prosecutor."

"I object!" "Overruled!"

"This is my client's videotaped deposition—please be considerate and rewind after viewing."

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

"Well, heck! If all you smart cookies agree, who am I to dissent?"

"In a just world we'd have 'No Lawyer Left Behind'."

Sue The Bastards

Pre-Minstrel Tension

'The Grand Jury doesn't understand me...'

The Birth of a Lawsuit

"I've asked you not to overrule me in front of the children."

'Don't blame the lawyer!'

"...And the court awards you twenty five thousand for the loss of faculty in your right arm."

'He followed me home, Mom. Can I sign him to a five-year, $80-million contract?..'

'Every day, I'm suing better and better...'

'At first it was a few dollars here and a few dollars there. Then I realized I'd have to pay my lawyer.'

"I'm popping out for a tinkle."

"Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to sue, and he'll eat for a lifetime."

Criminal Stupidness

Judge

'I will not have the species card played in my courtroom, Counselor.'

'Great. Another trainee lawyer.'

AMERICAN CIVIL LIBERTIES UNION ACLU, HELP TAKE A BITE OUT OF LAW, 'I like it!'

'Sorry, but I do not recall that incident either.'

"Not guilty, Your Honor, on the basis of a previously undiagnosed and untreated case of Integrity Deficit Disorder!"

"This is a complex matter, we can't keep repeating 'Possession is nine tenths of the law' at the judge."

Truth, Justice, Equality and Public Relations

'Being granted immunity doesn't include not having to pay my bill.'