Court Chaos Enthusiast T-Shirts

'And there's the horn to end the first half...'

I love Lawyers

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"Bailiff."

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

"I object!" "Overruled!"

"I've learned something in this trial. My firm needs to hire that prosecutor."

"This is my client's videotaped deposition—please be considerate and rewind after viewing."

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

"Well, heck! If all you smart cookies agree, who am I to dissent?"

The Birth of a Lawsuit

"I've asked you not to overrule me in front of the children."

Pre-Minstrel Tension

"In a just world we'd have 'No Lawyer Left Behind'."

Sue The Bastards

'The Grand Jury doesn't understand me...'

'Don't blame the lawyer!'

"...And the court awards you twenty five thousand for the loss of faculty in your right arm."

Say what? Johnnie Cochran died in 2005?

'At first it was a few dollars here and a few dollars there. Then I realized I'd have to pay my lawyer.'

'Every day, I'm suing better and better...'

'He followed me home, Mom. Can I sign him to a five-year, $80-million contract?..'

"I'm popping out for a tinkle."

RBG, RGB, CMYK

"Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to sue, and he'll eat for a lifetime."

Criminal Stupidness

There's no such thing as "The Fruit Basket Defense." By any chance, are you referring to "The Fruit of the Poisonous Tree"? That's evidence that was obtained by an illegal action and must be considered inadmissible. Yeah! What you said!!!

AMERICAN CIVIL LIBERTIES UNION ACLU, HELP TAKE A BITE OUT OF LAW, 'I like it!'

'I will not have the species card played in my courtroom, Counselor.'

"Not guilty, Your Honor, on the basis of a previously undiagnosed and untreated case of Integrity Deficit Disorder!"

Judge

'Sorry, but I do not recall that incident either.'

'Great. Another trainee lawyer.'

"This is a complex matter, we can't keep repeating 'Possession is nine tenths of the law' at the judge."

Truth, Justice, Equality and Public Relations