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"Bailiff."

"Witness will refrain from devouring the prosecution!"

'I will not have the species card played in my courtroom, Counselor.'

Trial by Media

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

"Objection, Your Honor! Alleged killer whale."

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

Questions about an old case refuse to go away. . .

"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

"We won!"

I love Lawyers

Sue the Author 3PM

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

Barristers

"Now that's a win."

"Whoa, don't ask constitutional questions you don't want to know the answers to."

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

'I think I'll become a lawyer.'

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

"You can't plead cute."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

"#notguilty."

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

"I felt I could make more of a difference within the system."

'Wow! I never before saw such a strenuous objection.'

"We make crime pay."

"Now that I've swung back to depression, I'm truly sorry for what I did when I was manic."

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

"Never mind what I did, Your Honor. I want to be judged for who I am, as an individual."

Prosecution bears the burden of proof. Defense bears the burden of twisting and distorting said proof.

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."