Court History Enthusiasts Pillows

"I feel I no longer entertain the king. If I truly want his attention, I should join his tech-support team."

"Obama didn’t get to name a Supreme Court justice during his final year. So how come Trump does?"

I love Lawyers

I'm accused of kicking you in the womb, but your evidence is purely circumstantial. Lawyer baby.

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

Supreme Court. It's either constitutional or unconstitutional - We don't use a scale of one to ten!

"I've learned something in this trial. My firm needs to hire that prosecutor."

"I object!" "Overruled!"

"This is my client's videotaped deposition—please be considerate and rewind after viewing."

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

"Well, heck! If all you smart cookies agree, who am I to dissent?"

The Birth of a Lawsuit

Pre-Minstrel Tension

"I've asked you not to overrule me in front of the children."

Sue The Bastards

'The Grand Jury doesn't understand me...'

"In a just world we'd have 'No Lawyer Left Behind'."

'Don't blame the lawyer!'

"...And the court awards you twenty five thousand for the loss of faculty in your right arm."

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, my client blah blah...."

'At first it was a few dollars here and a few dollars there. Then I realized I'd have to pay my lawyer.'

'Every day, I'm suing better and better...'

Say what? Johnnie Cochran died in 2005?

'He followed me home, Mom. Can I sign him to a five-year, $80-million contract?..'

RBG, RGB, CMYK

"Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to sue, and he'll eat for a lifetime."

"You don't have to answer that."

Criminal Stupidness

There's no such thing as "The Fruit Basket Defense." By any chance, are you referring to "The Fruit of the Poisonous Tree"? That's evidence that was obtained by an illegal action and must be considered inadmissible. Yeah! What you said!!!

AMERICAN CIVIL LIBERTIES UNION ACLU, HELP TAKE A BITE OUT OF LAW, 'I like it!'

"Not guilty, Your Honor, on the basis of a previously undiagnosed and untreated case of Integrity Deficit Disorder!"

Judge

'Sorry, but I do not recall that incident either.'

'Great. Another trainee lawyer.'

"This is a complex matter, we can't keep repeating 'Possession is nine tenths of the law' at the judge."