Court Fool Appreciator Gifts

'It's nothing personal against you, Bobo -- it's just that Limbaugh is funnier.'

"Take this declaration of war and punch it up."

"If you really want independence, you should get into contract law."

A rare picture of Henry VIII's divorce lawyer.

"He may be only a junior partner, but remember - his mother destroyed half of Tokyo."

"I'm popping out for a tinkle."

Office supplies - Notebooks, memo pads and rap sheets.

"I'd never have known the joys of a journal if my attorney hadn't insisted I keep one."

"...but, seriously..."

Devil on trial - "We find the defendant guilty of being in the details."

The Sheepdog Trials

'Your Honor, my client is incontinent to stand trail...'

'I object to the prosecution calling my client a liar. The witness is merely fact-based reality challenged.'

"We would like to request a change of venue to an entirely different legal system."

'When I pled 'Not Guilty,' I forgot to say 'May I?''

'The End Justifies The Beans.

'It all started when I told him I resented people calling lawyers assholes, because I'm an asshole.'

'We find the defendant guilty, the defense a showboater and the DA a legal mal-practitioner.'

"'Somewhere in between' is not an acceptable plea."

Bankruptcy Attorneys: "If you ain't broke, we can fix it."

"All you need is love."

'There hasn't been an assassination attempt all week -- what are they up to out there?'

I tripped just now over by your bathroom. If I took this to court, I could get six figures. But I'll settle out of court for a lifetime supply of free coffee and donuts. We just had a huge earthquake. If you fell, it was probably because of that. You guys failed to think ahead and put in bouncy floors. Get out.

The Little Attorney

'He has that certain undefinable something that says he's guilty as sin.'

"Did any of these guys sell you the acid?"

'Well, that may be the law, Your Honor, but I don't think it should apply to me.'

"Are you aware under the new terrorism laws I can hold you without charge for up to 90 days?"

The evidence will show, your honor, that the defendant is a master manipulator.

"Really, your Honor!"

'You are charged with getting involved in the political process....'

"It would have been a no-fault divorce if the judge wasn't happily married for 30 years!"

You'll probably get a life sentence, so you'll be out in four months.

'I'm not sure if I'm divorced or not. After seeing my husband in court the judge gave custody of him.'

"Things that scare Jimmy #6 Grandpa eats a banana"