Countryside Humorists Gifts

Bull in field lurking behind tree waiting to ambush ramblers.

'What?... You wanted your horse SHOD!?'

'Little Yank' Calf Puller.

"No, I like the plan. Just saying, have you ever done any actual tunnelling?"

I'm prepared to admit that you may have startled me a bit, sure!

'How many times have I told you not to hit the ball with your head?'

'Cool! Brownstar Wars!'

'Henrietta is so self-confident.'

"Do you think there's intellegent life in there?"

'Some dogs are meant to be working dogs and some aren't.'

I fart more than that!

"Sorry I'm late! The driving conditions are awful!"

'Pass the salt, will ya, buddy?'

'Mother, there's something you're not telling me about that alien invasion, I can feel it!'

A Venus cow trap.

"Static cling."

'Zeb, don't you reckon it's time you took that pig into town and traded him for some decent Wi'-Fi?'

"Don't be so dramatic. You tell me you're pregnant every day?"

"Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're our only hope."

"That was definitely mine."

Emergency room doctor about half cow: 'Farming accident. Be sensitive - she's beside herself.'

'MEN! We've got a fire at the cattle shed! Do we want rare, medium or well done?'

'It's negative attention ... as long as you keep asking why, they'll keep on doing it.'

I told you not to use horse liniment as an underarm deoderant...

'I promise, you're not crossing to the Dark Side.'

'With proper flossing there's no reason for hens to not have teeth.'

"Perhaps it would be easier using mice?"

"Ok, let's try it one last time. It's 'Ahhhhhh'..."

'I guess everything's okay, doc, two legs is showing, one out of each hole."

'Is it ok if I just bring in some of our carpet?'

I've been doing sit-ups!

"He keeps watching over our flock. I think it's a stalker."

Grassy breath?

'I met my wife on Faeces Book.'

'She says her stomachs ache.'