Countryside Humorists Gifts

Bull in field lurking behind tree waiting to ambush ramblers.

'What?... You wanted your horse SHOD!?'

"No, I like the plan. Just saying, have you ever done any actual tunnelling?"

'Little Yank' Calf Puller.

I'm prepared to admit that you may have startled me a bit, sure!

'How many times have I told you not to hit the ball with your head?'

'Cool! Brownstar Wars!'

'Henrietta is so self-confident.'

"Do you think there's intellegent life in there?"

I fart more than that!

'Some dogs are meant to be working dogs and some aren't.'

'Pass the salt, will ya, buddy?'

"Sorry I'm late! The driving conditions are awful!"

A Venus cow trap.

'Mother, there's something you're not telling me about that alien invasion, I can feel it!'

"Static cling."

'Zeb, don't you reckon it's time you took that pig into town and traded him for some decent Wi'-Fi?'

"Don't be so dramatic. You tell me you're pregnant every day?"

"Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're our only hope."

"That was definitely mine."

Emergency room doctor about half cow: 'Farming accident. Be sensitive - she's beside herself.'

Cow in a vest: Well, I think I look like Bruce Willis!

'It's negative attention ... as long as you keep asking why, they'll keep on doing it.'

'MEN! We've got a fire at the cattle shed! Do we want rare, medium or well done?'

"In honor of your birthday I had your face tattooed to my ass."

I told you not to use horse liniment as an underarm deoderant...

'With proper flossing there's no reason for hens to not have teeth.'

'I promise, you're not crossing to the Dark Side.'

"Perhaps it would be easier using mice?"

"Ok, let's try it one last time. It's 'Ahhhhhh'..."

'I guess everything's okay, doc, two legs is showing, one out of each hole."

I've been doing sit-ups!

'Is it ok if I just bring in some of our carpet?'

"He keeps watching over our flock. I think it's a stalker."

COWS: Spare cow