Country Shows Gifts

'Wow, that's one prize-winning pig!'

"This is my new country song I wrote about my self-driving truck leaving me..."

'Cock-a-doodle-do!'

Songs about Texas, next 1100 miles.

'This is rodeo history! No one's ever stayed on the Dancing Bronco this long!'

"It's God's country, if your god wears camouflage and dips tobacco."

Bashful in Nashville

'I took your advice and got a long little doggy.'

'I can't write cheating songs because my wife's too insecure.'

Elvis Presley

"I'm putting you on country music."

A newspaper stand in a rural area.

"I'll be broadminded up in heaven, but here on earth you're still a whore..."

'Woke up this morning found someone had stolen my guitar...'

'You had me at OOOO-AARRR!'

'I'll never forget the night I saw you across the crowded room of a dusty ol' honky tonk.'

For every moment in life there is a song that describes it perfectly.'

"Well, the hills were alive with the sound of music...I'm sure!"

"This is Kevin. Kevin was uncool before uncool was cool."

"Year after year we sit here quietly raising eyebrows, son."

Scot country dancing,

"The harmonica! Boy you're lucky, my cowboy plays the double-bass! I tell you what, it's a pretty awkward thing to carry around..."

"Well of course you're depressed... You're a country and western singer."

"I came all the way from Alabama just to see you, Susanna. Why in tarnation are you cryin'?"

Supply was out of harps.

"And now, Bach's Brandenburg Congerto Number One, first movement."

Where the deer and the antelope play.

Lawyers Ridin' The Range: 'Happy trials to you, until we meet again!'

Hip-Hopalong Billy Bob blamed the censors for killing the country-rap scene.

I think of "The Fusco Brothers" as a modern-day "Bonanza." Only instead of four cowboys, we have four bums, and instead of a cook named Hop Sing, we have a wolverine named Axel. Is there a term for this fantasy? "Ponderosa Nervosa."

This'n song here, "She Done Me Wrong 'n' That Ain't Right," goes out to my high school english teacher.

Here's a little number I wrote from bitter personal experience...

Cowpunk

'This next song is called Reindeer farts in my face all night.'

"Not tonight, hon—I've got a heartache."