Country Music Lovers Gifts

"I shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die. After that, law school was pretty much a given."

"You're refusing to hold hands with me? But we've been dating for weeks! What's changed you all of a sudden?" "It became more and more obvious what a big Cheryl Crow fan you are! That's what!"

'Cock-a-doodle-do!'

Songs about Texas, next 1100 miles.

"It's God's country, if your god wears camouflage and dips tobacco."

Bashful in Nashville

'I took your advice and got a long little doggy.'

'I can't write cheating songs because my wife's too insecure.'

"I'm putting you on country music."

"I'll be broadminded up in heaven, but here on earth you're still a whore..."

For every moment in life there is a song that describes it perfectly.'

'Woke up this morning found someone had stolen my guitar...'

Towny Music Night.

'I'll never forget the night I saw you across the crowded room of a dusty ol' honky tonk.'

"This is Kevin. Kevin was uncool before uncool was cool."

"It's bad, Doc. the voices in my head are singing country western."

A Modern Day Cowboy and his Horse.

"Well of course you're depressed... You're a country and western singer."

"The harmonica! Boy you're lucky, my cowboy plays the double-bass! I tell you what, it's a pretty awkward thing to carry around..."

Supply was out of harps.

'The grass is always bluer to a banjo pickin bovine!'

Hip-Hopalong Billy Bob blamed the censors for killing the country-rap scene.

Where the deer and the antelope play.

Music from the moon.

Here's a little number I wrote from bitter personal experience...

The Invention of Country Music.

Cowpunk

"Not tonight, hon—I've got a heartache."

'This next song is called Reindeer farts in my face all night.'

Ray Price, Willie Nelson, Merle Haggard

'Darlin', what's an adjective for a two-timin', heart-breakin' outlaw that rhymes with iPod?'

"I'd better get a hit country song out of growing up this way."