Country Sheepdog Gifts

"I've realized it's cruel to keep a dog in a big city. I'm transferring you to scranton."

"Well, I'll miss him, but all his friends are backpacking Europe to herd sheep this summer, too."

"It seemed like miles to me!"

Sheep Ledger

"Here we go again. Look at me everybody....I'm a cloud."

YONDER...next 347 miles.

"Static cling."

No need to be concerned, madam! I'm wrapped in cotton wool!

"Your shepherd, Louie, has retired. I'm Mr. Smathers. I will be your grazing-resource coördinator and flock welfare-and-security manager."

'Sorry lady, can't help you: Yes, I can herd pretty much anything, but not cats, and certainly not kittens...'

'You're suffering from job-stress insomnia. Stop counting sheep to fall asleep.'

"You can always count on me."

"Why do you call the new sheepdog Bra?"

A cow ventriloquist.

Objects in mirror bear no relation to reality.

"Don't stress. My philosophy has always been 'ewe be ewe.''"

"Any qualifications other than speaking the language."

A Gated Community.

The Uterus in the form of a Ewe

'They used to be called sheep, and they produced wool. Now they're some sort of bioengineered creatures, and they produce antibiotics.'

First there were virtual-pets. Now there are virtual owners and ranchers.

"Yeah, I won the Finest Quality Wool award, but it was a tough competition: There were contestants from all over Australia and New Zealand..."

Sheepdog Security

'Nonsense! They can't All have headaches.'

"He's been like that ever since he stopped eating the stuff and began smoking it."

Even cowgirls get the blues. 'Well, howdy! I've been lookin' for this here B.B. King album forever!'

'I'd kill for concrete.'

A sheep ordering in a restaurant - the sole item on the menu is grass.

Shepherds washed their socks by night.

The Shepherd's Staff. . .

'Aside from a crazed sheep now and then, this is a very risk-free profession.'

'He's so clever he's learning a second language!'

Sheep Escalator

Speed Limit 5 MPH. Enforced by Sheep.

Lambo