Counseling Patron Gifts

'When we first met there was a chemistry between us. These days though, it's more of a 'chemistry set'.'

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

Queen of Quinoa

"I recommend that you two find a way to spice up your shelf life."

"I have 25 patients in my counselling group...Mrs Sherman, Mr Martin, and Mr Martins 23 other personalities."

Day for day i feel more and more empty.

'Mona Lisa, would it make you happy if I gave you a foot massage every night?'

"There! Now we're getting somewhere."

Wanna talk about it?

"Tell me more about your imposter syndrome."

Couple beyond prayer - need divine intervention.

'Typical bloody man, you've no idea what loyalty means...it's just self, self...self!'

Personal Relationship Counsellor

"You must learn to let go."

Please Wait and wait and wait.

'So, when did you first realise that you fancied me rotten?'

'First, I'll give you my side of the story...then, the wimp will give you his...'

"The words 'complete screwball' are not in my vocabulary."

Psychiatry. Ordinary therapeutic techniques have been unsuccessful, but I have a crazy idea that just might work!

"....one minute I'm there - chewing the cud - the next, I get this urge to lead!"

'No more appointments today, Miss Mitchell. I'm all psyched out.'

'My wife doesn't understand me.'

'Don't you be dissing the Ho' now!'

"Just iced tea, please. Hot coffee goes right through me."

Weight of the world on your shoulders.

'I know we're supposed to be Lovebirds, but a bit of privacy from time to time would be nice...'

'It's not just his insane jealousy - he also insists on choosing all my clothes.'

"Oh him, that's Ron. He's a permanent fixture in here."

'It's all right. You're allowed to get up on this couch.'

'I thought being married to a rodeo clown would be more fun.'

'Your problem seems to be depression or angst...Depression I charge £75 a session angst is £125.'

"I feel we've had a good session today."

Your Uncle Mort and Sadie are back from Canada. Are they still getting married? Yeah, but they're slowing things down. They're going to talk to someone about their problems. A counselor is always a good idea. They couldn't exactly afford a professional. He doesn't put the bathroom seat down.

'Just because everyone applauded when you dropped your lunch tray in the cafeteria, doesn't mean that you should pursue a career in show business.'

'The usual.'