Council Meeting Audience Gifts

Jackie Weaver

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

"This town ain't big enough for the proposed outlet shopping mall at Millet Creek Pass."

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

"I'm torn, Randy. I don't know what to think." "About what, little buddy?" "Star Trek. The last movie got rave reviews. Critics and audiences loved it. Therefore, I loved it too. But it didn't come anywhere close to earning $1 billion at the box office. And these days, any movie that doesn't earn $1 billion is a complete failure. Therefore, I must hate it. I'm in limbo until the hive mind comes to a consensus." "Except for honey, nothing good ever comes from hives."

"We've been campaigning for years to encourage central government to delegate more powers to local authorities..."

'There'll be a special meeting of the board concerning the recent generous contribution of stock.'

Which One is Pulling Out?

This is not what I had in mind when I joined the Council!

'Someone come and mediate our argument about mediation!'

Typical...You don't see one for weeks then they all arrive together.'

Little guy using telescope to see past a big guy blocking his view in the crowd,

Open Mike Night Presents the Comedy Stylings of Rudy Park. Did you hear about the iPhone that hired the best wedding planner in the country because it wanted a great reception? Clap. And then there was the autocorrect programmer who got rejected when he asked a lady out on a debate. The romance didn't last long when the cable tv box found out how spacey the satellite tv box was. Get off the stage! The one who invented binary code was a real zero. Boo. Hiss. I don't even get that one, and I'm gla

Power corrupts: McDonalds.

Boss, what would you say if I told you that if you don't give me a raise, I'll go work somewhere else? I'd say "Wouldn't it be a shame if your letter of recommendation mentioned how you're an awful employee?" And I'd say "Isn't it a shame the town council has made sure this is the only cafe within fifty miles?" But the way, have you delivered my latest care packages to the council members? Very bad man.

Intramission

'Our drug cartel would like to help Lambeth Council fight the cuts, respecting criteria of inclusion and diversity.'

Public Meetings: 'If you check the guide it's clear that you only need to say 'chair'.'

Man's house has sign reading 'Sod the council'. His neighbour says: 'Frankly, I'm amazed you got planning permission.'

'Wait a minute! Aren't you the chap who refused planning permission on the St., Mary's church extension?'

'Just take a smidgeon off.'

'I'd like to ask the council's advice on how to get the congregation to sit closer to the front of the church.'

"This is Jim the Jolly council manager and LOOk it's Caring Clara who likes to work for minimum wage..."

I suppose you're wondering why I summoned you, minion. Not really, boss. I've noticed a disturbing trend: Bikinis are getting smaller and smaller. So small, in fact, that they no longer hid anything. I think it's about time our caf

'That's the Director of Housing. She isn't taking the news of the rates freeze too well...'

'I like him because he's a simple guy talking in a simple way.'

'The anger management class ruined our budget when they ordered love seats.'

"This spells out the council's decision - in easy to read emoticons."

Child Abuse Report

The Next Police Chief

Community Complaints Redress Mechanisms Bureaucracy

"Why is the arts budget always the first thing to be cut, when you know damn well it's the only thing that separates us from the monkeys?"

'Parish Council, working towards obsolescence'

Limerick town council meeting.

Grave Digger Sackings.