Audience Member Gifts

"Nice ass..."

Taking a peek at the audience

'Look behind you. . . Just kidding.'

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

Nervous at a party.

Giant screen displays conference delegates and not the speaker.

"I seem to have forgotten what I was saying...please...hold the applause!"

"This poem was written at a time in my life when I wrote a poem."

'The ‘class clown' thing is my fault. I totally misjudged the crowd.'

Little guy using telescope to see past a big guy blocking his view in the crowd,

'Yo, Danny! The pitcher's complaining about the crowd noise. Turn it down!'

Armless chainsaw juggler.

Open Mike Night Presents the Comedy Stylings of Rudy Park. Did you hear about the iPhone that hired the best wedding planner in the country because it wanted a great reception? Clap. And then there was the autocorrect programmer who got rejected when he asked a lady out on a debate. The romance didn't last long when the cable tv box found out how spacey the satellite tv box was. Get off the stage! The one who invented binary code was a real zero. Boo. Hiss. I don't even get that one, and I'm gla

Antiques for Oldies: Squeal Now.

And with that, the simple malaise that had been bubbling up for months officially became a general malaise.

David Letterman

Intramission

"You missed the garlic. The place went nuts when he added the garlic."

'They say the secret to public speaking is to pick out one person in the audience and talk to him.' 'Well, did you?' 'Yeah. Unfortunately the person I picked out was snickering, pointing and whispering to the guy next to him.'

Manager: 'EXCELLENT promoting Jan! It's another RECORD crowd!'

A Concert Audience - A Typical Layout.

'Any more hecklers out there? No? OK. Hey, what's the deal with prison food?'

"They're not happy about it, but we made a scheduling error and the customers are expecting a drag brunch."

'This guy figures to be on his bicycle all night.'

'It's a miracle!'

'Does my bum look big on this'

An audience with an audience!

"Don't call us, we'll call you."

'I've never been good at public squeaking!'

Trash Test Dummy

'No offence, but I need to capture a wider audience.'