Audience Gifts

'Does my bum look big on this'

Taking a peek at the audience

'Look behind you. . . Just kidding.'

'As I walk through the halls, I see teachers teaching and students learning and I say to myself, 'what wonderful school, what a wonderful world.''

'Unaccustomed as I am to public speaking...'

"For my next trick, I'll need a volunteer, a fake knife, and a mirrored box with a secret compartment."

"And lastly, for my infinite perseverance, self-control and fortitude, I'd like to thank the Internet trolls."

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

Occupational Hazards.

"I seem to have forgotten what I was saying...please...hold the applause!"

Giant screen displays conference delegates and not the speaker.

"This next song is about a trip to Vermont. It's called 'This is the whitest state I've ever seen—wow!'"

"This poem was written at a time in my life when I wrote a poem."

'The ‘class clown' thing is my fault. I totally misjudged the crowd.'

Armless chainsaw juggler.

Little guy using telescope to see past a big guy blocking his view in the crowd,

"This next song exposes the hypocrisy of everyone here."

Open Mike Night Presents the Comedy Stylings of Rudy Park. Did you hear about the iPhone that hired the best wedding planner in the country because it wanted a great reception? Clap. And then there was the autocorrect programmer who got rejected when he asked a lady out on a debate. The romance didn't last long when the cable tv box found out how spacey the satellite tv box was. Get off the stage! The one who invented binary code was a real zero. Boo. Hiss. I don't even get that one, and I'm gla

"That concludes my presentation. I'll now open this up for some answers."

Intramission

And with that, the simple malaise that had been bubbling up for months officially became a general malaise.

David Letterman

'I hope he doesn't pick on ME!'

Antiques for Oldies: Squeal Now.

"You missed the garlic. The place went nuts when he added the garlic."

'Wow, excellent turnout.'

The Epsom Derby - Jockey Rides Out through the Crowd

Public speaking

Manager: 'EXCELLENT promoting Jan! It's another RECORD crowd!'

A human cannon with an extended clip

"Next time, don't start the presentation by asking, 'Can you tolerate ambiguity?'!"

A Concert Audience - A Typical Layout.

'This guy figures to be on his bicycle all night.'

'Ever thought of applying for a place in a studio audience?'

"Nice ass..."