Audience Researcher Gifts

Trash Test Dummy

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

'How can we believe anything when we can disprove everything?'

"Of course this'll be a great year. The data, sales projections, customer surveys, and my mom all think so."

"Actual results indicate that the statistical analysis of the data which projections were based on may have been wrong."

Taking a peek at the audience

'It's our own consumer confidence test. Throw some nickels out and if they're picked up in 5 minutes confidence is really low!'

"Remember Mr. Cockbundle is not just a 'customer', he is an important source of valuable and readily marketable data."

European currency on the edge.

"What if, instead of the safe being filled with rawhide, it's filled with catnip and mice!" "No one will buy it." "Drugs and rodents? Who's our demographic?" "The Simpsons already did that."

'Look behind you. . . Just kidding.'

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

Economy - USA.

Warning that Inflationary Policies Could Lead to Crash on Wall St

Stock market Bull & Bear financial whirlwind.

Manufacturing will take place in China...So what role does Europe have?...you borrow money to be the customer

'It's nothing that a few stem cells and 75 years of research can't fix.'

'Unaccustomed as I am to public speaking...'

Early Attempt at Quantitative Easing.

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

"Using worst case scenario as a baseline, I consider this data quite encouraging."

'85.4% of people use phony statistics to get their point across.'

'In a Washington economic summit, a panel of three economists offered two dozen opinions about the direction of global economics.'

Peer-reviewed journal publication.

'As you can see the market forecast is quite loopy in the next quarter.'

'Shouldn't we be doing this online?'

'We're losing the mid-morning market. Let's put a hamburger in a glazed donut and call it brunch.'

'The latest market research shows that men's neckware width is the most accurate indicator of market fluctuations.'

'Occupation? You name it, that's ME.'

"Unfortunately, the consumer was not as demanding as we had hoped."

'Can you spare a minute, madam - I'm doing a king of all I survey.'

"Recent research has yielded some frightening results...It turns out we are a business team held forever on a presentation chart, locked away in a supply closet."

"The gargoyles are coming back to roost. That has to be a good economic sign of something...wouldn't you say?"