Audience Participator Gifts

'Look behind you. . . Just kidding.'

Taking a peek at the audience

'As I walk through the halls, I see teachers teaching and students learning and I say to myself, 'what wonderful school, what a wonderful world.''

"For my next trick, I'll need a volunteer, a fake knife, and a mirrored box with a secret compartment."

"And lastly, for my infinite perseverance, self-control and fortitude, I'd like to thank the Internet trolls."

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

'Yes, that person there...'

"This next song is about a trip to Vermont. It's called 'This is the whitest state I've ever seen—wow!'"

"I seem to have forgotten what I was saying...please...hold the applause!"

Giant screen displays conference delegates and not the speaker.

"This poem was written at a time in my life when I wrote a poem."

'Yo, Danny! The pitcher's complaining about the crowd noise. Turn it down!'

Armless chainsaw juggler.

"This next song exposes the hypocrisy of everyone here."

Little guy using telescope to see past a big guy blocking his view in the crowd,

"That concludes my presentation. I'll now open this up for some answers."

Antiques for Oldies: Squeal Now.

'I hope he doesn't pick on ME!'

And with that, the simple malaise that had been bubbling up for months officially became a general malaise.

"You missed the garlic. The place went nuts when he added the garlic."

Public speaking

Manager: 'EXCELLENT promoting Jan! It's another RECORD crowd!'

Alcoholics Eponymous

"Next time, don't start the presentation by asking, 'Can you tolerate ambiguity?'!"

'Any more hecklers out there? No? OK. Hey, what's the deal with prison food?'

I'm attending a 3 week, 6-part seminar with 15 speakers to learnhow to think for myself.

"They're not happy about it, but we made a scheduling error and the customers are expecting a drag brunch."

"Hi, I’m David and I’m here because I like to introduce myself to other people."

'Does my bum look big on this'

'It's a MEXICAN wave not an English one!'

"Nice ass..."

"He says if we do his survey now, he'll give us a fridge magnet."

An audience with an audience!