Audience Participator T-Shirts

'Look behind you. . . Just kidding.'

Taking a peek at the audience

'As I walk through the halls, I see teachers teaching and students learning and I say to myself, 'what wonderful school, what a wonderful world.''

"For my next trick, I'll need a volunteer, a fake knife, and a mirrored box with a secret compartment."

"And lastly, for my infinite perseverance, self-control and fortitude, I'd like to thank the Internet trolls."

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

'Yes, that person there...'

"I seem to have forgotten what I was saying...please...hold the applause!"

"This next song is about a trip to Vermont. It's called 'This is the whitest state I've ever seen—wow!'"

Giant screen displays conference delegates and not the speaker.

"This poem was written at a time in my life when I wrote a poem."

Little guy using telescope to see past a big guy blocking his view in the crowd,

Armless chainsaw juggler.

"This next song exposes the hypocrisy of everyone here."

'Yo, Danny! The pitcher's complaining about the crowd noise. Turn it down!'

Open Mike Night Presents the Comedy Stylings of Rudy Park. Did you hear about the iPhone that hired the best wedding planner in the country because it wanted a great reception? Clap. And then there was the autocorrect programmer who got rejected when he asked a lady out on a debate. The romance didn't last long when the cable tv box found out how spacey the satellite tv box was. Get off the stage! The one who invented binary code was a real zero. Boo. Hiss. I don't even get that one, and I'm gla

'I don't see how you can put your profession as TV star just because you were in the crowd of Match of the Day!'

"That concludes my presentation. I'll now open this up for some answers."

Antiques for Oldies: Squeal Now.

And with that, the simple malaise that had been bubbling up for months officially became a general malaise.

Intramission

'I hope he doesn't pick on ME!'

"You missed the garlic. The place went nuts when he added the garlic."

Public speaking

Manager: 'EXCELLENT promoting Jan! It's another RECORD crowd!'

"Next time, don't start the presentation by asking, 'Can you tolerate ambiguity?'!"

Alcoholics Eponymous

'Any more hecklers out there? No? OK. Hey, what's the deal with prison food?'

"They're not happy about it, but we made a scheduling error and the customers are expecting a drag brunch."

"Hi, I’m David and I’m here because I like to introduce myself to other people."

I'm attending a 3 week, 6-part seminar with 15 speakers to learnhow to think for myself.

'Does my bum look big on this'

'It's a MEXICAN wave not an English one!'

"Nice ass..."

An audience with an audience!