Coulrophobic Chuckler Gifts

"I don't know what it is, but there's something about them that really gives me the creeps."

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil clowns is that good clowns do nothing."

Cafe investors: I'd like your support in acquiring the lemonade stand down the street. By cutting redundant labor, marketing and technology. I place our annual savings at $17 billion. The phone company investors bought it. Can monkey lick your head?

Jesus Christ

'...and on that you have my word.'

"Our cat is the only god this home needs."

"Gesundheit!"

Servant Painting Targets Around Arrows Shot by a King

'I make certain all my clients are pessimists...they don't expect to win.'

Various Birds of Pray.

Kisses--Sniff Your A-hole.

The Big Four debate banking ethics

"My Dad has just come out of hospital."

'Everyone's a stand-up comic these days.'

"You've got to admit, he wears the 'that dog won't hunt' label with a lot of class!"

"Isn't this just a repeat of his 1332 Christmas special."

'Gesundheit.'

'Does the suicide clause apply if he eats himself to death?'

"Sorry, Jeff. Two's company, three's an infestation."

"They never would have got away with that in the Old Testament."

"Constipated, what a *#*##**# joke!!"

"Is he still there?"

'Let's put it this way, part of you was offside!'

"One man's meat is another man's beloved pet."

"I've found it the easiest way to administer nose drops!"

'Your future husband will golf 7 days a week, 9 months out of the year. Since this is bad news, I won't charge you.'

'Hey - I was in line first! There you go again...messing up the pecking order!'

'Fortunately, the virus is dormant. Just be careful you don't wake it up.'

"My wife took up walkin' a mile a day five years ago. Haven't seen her since!" "Lucky son of a..."

'Alimony is like having to pay instalments on a car after you have written it off!'

Now playing: Sideways.

Sen. Krupt. I can't believe how little I was offered for my seat --- It's hardly been used!

Hello, you have reached the Johnsons. All of our family members are currently busy sharing the events of their day. Please continue to hold, and the next available 4-year-old will be with you shortly. Machines Programmed for Telemarketers.

Black Death Outbreak in Progress

'More specifically I have a fear of clowns that own fast food franchises.'