Couches Gifts

'She'll never look for me here.'

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

"The batteries in his TV remote died. The shock of not being able to use it for two minutes has put him in a temporary state of shock."

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

"I'm still looking for the lap of luxury."

'Seriously. You have to get one of these.'

'I gotta admit it doc. . . My wife was right, a little time on the couch and I already feel better.'

'Breaking Bad' Box Set Addiction.

Captive Audience at the World Cup.

Binge Watch

Unconditional Loveseat

"I now pronounce you man and couch."

'First of all, calm down - your allowed to be on the couch.'

Hell No Kitty

"It's a beautiful day. I should go for a walk. . . Oh, now my neighbors are all out there."

'Call 911! He watched 12 straight hours of football without training adequately.'

'I'm tired of roaming the earth. Can we just stay home tonight?'

"This is nice. You have your knitting and I have my vodka."

"I wish I could lay there all day watching funny cat videos..."

It's only a remote, dear...if you want better programs you will need a wand.

"Well, do you want to buy this sofa or not? You've been on it for three days!"

"It's not just me, Dad. Amazon.com has never made a cent, either."

"It was your father's idea - He can't bear to miss a second of the game."

'Ask your doctor if getting your fat butt off the couch might be right for you!'

"The emotional support goes both ways."

"What time is it?" "Half past World Cup."

"When we were dating it was all wine, soft lights, and candy. So nothing's changed really."

"I want an instant replay of you taking out the garbage."

A couple with a new baby

'Well, at least there's no chance of you suffering from repetative strain injury.'

'Let's have a quiet romantic evening together...we'll turn our cell phones off.'

Exercise vs Laxative.

Eventual Motion Machine

"When I was your age, I was a lot older."

"Well, if I was ambitious, we'd have a nice house and more money, but I'd never be around."