Couch Potato Joker Pillows

"That's all very disconcerting, but at least you're allowed on the couch."

'Just sitting around letting advertisers brainwash me. What about you?'

"It's tough to get him moving, but once he's going he never stops."

Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what is good on Netflix.

"Let's wait for it to come out on cable and then not watch it."

"I have a job! I'm an 'I reporter!'"

Football Accident.

Oh, the usual. They're watching 'American Idol' and I'm watching Americans idle.

"Will I still be able to not exercise?"

"I hardly think you can call waiting for updates to install doing nothing!!"

"You know, dear, planting your base in a chair and eating chicken is not 'plant-based' eating."

'Remember, your father may be here physically, but mentally he's attending the NCAA tournament.'

"I’ve changed my mind. I no longer want to conquer the world. I just want to conquer those two..."

'Flipping the remote and clicking the mouse are his low-impact aerobics.'

'Here, you can have my fly trap.I already have one.'

'Maybe he'll start to move again after the world cup!'

"I'm afraid that walking to the refrigerator 5 or 6 times a day does not count as exercise."

"It's lunchtime! Have you finished saying 'Good Morning' on your WhatsApp Groups?"

'Well at least we got him off the sofa.'

'May I tidy up the infield?'

'Are you sure sitting on a bean bag chair isn't considered getting a daily requirement of vegetables?'

Man watching a huge T.V., while eating a huge box of snacks and drinking a huge can of soda

"I'm inspired to try to run a marathon."

"If you really loved me, you'd give me the remote."

Success Without Effort

"I thought you were getting into shape for hunting season."

"No, Fred didn't run a TV marathon - He watched a marathon on TV."

'Gordorf, it's the fourth quarter. Get off your duff and wizard them a touch down already!'

"I need a companion."

'You'd be good at yoga. The first thing you do is empty your mind.'

Brenda tests to see if Karl can truly handle the low points of living together.

"There's no use in hiding. The smart treadmill knows you're home. You might as well go get your workout clothes on."

'I swear Marge! If that little punk comes back in here and pushes all them buttons again, i'm gonna kill him!' - Life in the elevator.

"Moving to a chair to eat three times a day really isn't 'doing sit-ups!'"

"I'm knackered trying to keep tabs on the potential consequences of the away goal rule!"