Cost-cutting Comrade Gifts

Thrift: New way to eat eggs (avoid needless transport costs).

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

'We should buy London and ship it to the States!'

'Office' block tightening it's belt

"We were able to retire 6 years early by canceling cable & eliminating anything fun."

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

'According to the budget, we'll have to count on body heat to keep the offices warm.'

Phil would get giddy after a large print run, but the company was saving a fortune.

"Post Covid it was clear that the old 9-5 was no longer viable, our industry lends itself to home working."

The Affordable Shredder

"I appreciate your vision and work ethic but I have a budget. How much would it cost for your vision without work ethics?"

"Turns that out! - We're supposed to be saving energy!!"

"I know we said we would get you a laptop.. but this will have to do until business gets better."

'And finally, a steady decline in earnings has forced us to trim the presentations budget.'

'We'll see significant savings in health care costs with our new in-house operations.'

Elevator charge $1.00.

Janet always was ahead of the curve...she outsourced herself.

"To save money, 5 employees will share the same computer. I got the idea while I was carpooling."

'If I'm going to do an effective job of reducing costs, I'm going to need a bigger budget.'

'And finally, there's option three, a classic business model that would reduce our marketing, supply-chain and production expenses by 85 percent!' '

"We can probably just about afford to run the pilot-light."

How to do without

'I know the marketing budget is stretched...but I still think we need professional models!'

'I've just thought of a way to save the company £1800 a month.'

'Because of cost cuts, your computer and telephone got removed. Just make a 'Click-Click' noise for typing, 'Bzzt-Bzzt' for printing and 'Ring-Ring' for incoming calls.'

"I'm finding this model very economical!"

"This wasn't the kind of budget cuts I had in mind."

"One day this will all be outsourced."

'And exactly how much less did it cost to implement Five Sigma instead of Six, Dwayne?'

Thrift: bathe fully dressed and wash your clothes at the same time

'It says take all this medication - if you can afford it.'

"The good news is we're going paperless. The bad news is it's the employee's bathrooms."

Cutting the cost of assisted living facilities

"We've managed to outsource training to a company that will say 'yes sir,no sir' for 20% less."