Cost-cutting Commander Gifts

'Because of cost cuts, your computer and telephone got removed. Just make a 'Click-Click' noise for typing, 'Bzzt-Bzzt' for printing and 'Ring-Ring' for incoming calls.'

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

'We should buy London and ship it to the States!'

"We were able to retire 6 years early by canceling cable & eliminating anything fun."

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

Thrift: New way to eat eggs (avoid needless transport costs).

"Post Covid it was clear that the old 9-5 was no longer viable, our industry lends itself to home working."

Phil would get giddy after a large print run, but the company was saving a fortune.

The Affordable Shredder

"I appreciate your vision and work ethic but I have a budget. How much would it cost for your vision without work ethics?"

"One silo is for grain, the other is for the money we save on gas."

"Turns that out! - We're supposed to be saving energy!!"

"I know we said we would get you a laptop.. but this will have to do until business gets better."

'And finally, a steady decline in earnings has forced us to trim the presentations budget.'

'Phone for help? Are you mad? Have you any idea how much it costs to use a mobile abroad?'

'We'll see significant savings in health care costs with our new in-house operations.'

"To save money, 5 employees will share the same computer. I got the idea while I was carpooling."

Janet always was ahead of the curve...she outsourced herself.

"Do you know that we saved a ton of money on legal fees by being more ethical?"

'If I'm going to do an effective job of reducing costs, I'm going to need a bigger budget.'

"As company chairman I'd like to thank you all for participating in the evenings entertainment and saving me �4000."

'And finally, there's option three, a classic business model that would reduce our marketing, supply-chain and production expenses by 85 percent!' '

"We can probably just about afford to run the pilot-light."

'I know the marketing budget is stretched...but I still think we need professional models!'

'I've just thought of a way to save the company £1800 a month.'

"Boss, I have a suggestion for you that's win-win. It'll save you thousands of dollars in health insurance premiums... If you pay to have me cryogenically frozen and then thawed every other day, I'll get to live to be 180, and you'll get an employee who's young and productive for the rest of your life."

How to do without

"We need to be extra careful about expenditure...and I thought we could save a but by having the Xmas, New Year and redundancy parties at the same time!"

"This wasn't the kind of budget cuts I had in mind."

"I'm finding this model very economical!"

"And, in our continuing effort to minimize surgical costs, I'll be hitting you over the head and tearing you open with my bare hands."

"One day this will all be outsourced."

'And exactly how much less did it cost to implement Five Sigma instead of Six, Dwayne?'

Thrift: bathe fully dressed and wash your clothes at the same time