Cost Calculator Gifts

'We strongly recommend you buy the service plan.'

Business Meeting

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

'Perhaps sir would like the dessert menu?'

'This is embarrassing. By MY calculations, the universe should have collapsed in on itself last Wednesday.'

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

'Unemployed math grad. Will solve quadratic equations for food."

"Have you been working out?"

"What comes after zillion?"

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

"Here's your dessert. A guilt counselor iss standing by to help you once you calculate how many calories you've consumed."

"It's right here… Nov. 29th, 1981, at Elaine's… twelve percent."

Blaise Pascal

'Let me have 20% fat, 40% carbohydrate, 40% protein and a cup of tea,'

'Self service.' 'How much do I tip myself?'

"We will indeed be facing numerous enraged customers."

"Boy, talk about inflation! When I was a little kid, that only cost $2.50!"

"We're not dividing the bill. We're dividing the calories. Two people had cheesecake..."

'Wow, Professor Jones, that's an impressive back-of-the-envelope calculation!'

'We think it's time we told you - you were early adopted.'

Duel Fuel?

Excess Baggage: Sometimes, your plane ticket is the least expensive part of the trip.

"Our clients like their accountants to use their 'imagination', but most would still prefer their returns in a spreadsheet."

"Your father suffers from 'Notip Arthritis'. It's characterized by a stiffening of the waitress."

What are the chances?

"Well you did say you wanted something gluten, sugar, fat, additives and calorie free."

'Whoa! Our waiter's online and you should see what he's saying about your tip!'

People think accountancy is just about numbers, but there is also the fractions, the percentages

'Don't blame me darling, it's due to the bad winter, global warming, commodity scarcity, fuel price rises, the increase in the wealth of China, market rent rises and inflation.'

'Herbert's Doctor recommended shock treatments, so I brought him here so he could check out the prices.'

"It's not that you've chosen the wrong diet, it's just that you're not meant to eat them all at once!"

"Does it say what we use for money?"