Cosmic Dealmaker T-Shirts

'Bill, we've decided to increase your sales territory.'

"And need I remind you, the 'art of the deal' is the lifeblood of this company."

'The good news is we've discovered a vast new oil resource. The bad news is we need a space ship to get there.'

"You called me, boss?" "Yes, I overheard you talking to patrons about all the new planets we’ve found." "I want you to stop doing that." "At least until I’m done buying up as much of that real estate as I can. I don’t need any competitors driving up the prices." "Very bad man." "When the hipsters run out of cities to gentrify here, my properties on Gliese 581c are going to make a killing."

"I hear the Universe is expanding - set up a meeting with their people."

Big Bang For Your Buck Investments...Specializing in space technology.

'A hostile takeover just wasn't feasible, so we agreed to a hostile merger.'

"Because of the economic situation they've relaxed the rules."

"Can you believe those guys? We tell them absolutely, positively no further negotiations, and they stop negotiating!"

"The Oaths of the Venture Capitalists."

"I'd prefer a win-win solution – but I'm open to just a win."

'The trick is to be gentle yet firm in negotiations. I prefer soft money and hard liquor.'

'Everything is negotiable, including my integrity.'

"From now on we’ll no longer pay your trucking company for driving for us. We’d like to be paid by you because you’re allowed to transport our great products!"

"Is there room for me?"

"I've been entangled with a photon on the other side of the galaxy for eons, and then yesterday, out of the blue, she said she wants to date OTHER particles!"

"Oh dear did we neglect to read the contract thoroughly?"

'If the universe is expanding, shouldn't we invest?'

Apostle shopping at 'Aeroapostle' Store.

'They're still ticked off about losing the cost-of-living allowance.'

'This bathroom ain't big enough for the both of us.'

"And this graph illustrates how our merger talks are going with Behemoth Industries."

'Make it seven beans and you got yourself a deal.'

"Then it's agreed. Watson, Smith, Teller, and Wilson go to Heaven; Jones, Paducci, and Horner go to Hell; and Fenton and Miller go to arbitration."

"Oops - a leftover piece. Where does this go? Should I toss it? Why did I even create an appendix?"

"I'm confused. Are we your attorneys or are you our attorneys?"

Subway rider holds onto man's tie.

"Selling China to China. Now that's going to be a challenge."

Last night I met an interesting guy online. He's an Aries with a trust fund rising.

The truth about crop circles

"Trump has his finger on the button..."

"A counter offer? Really, sir?"