Cosmic Commentator Gifts

"Look, a shooting star- let's critique it!"

Shooting Star

"I don't believe in these idiots any longer. You now can call me an atheist."

We gave up looking for intelligent life. Now we just search for entertaining stupidity.

Rate your stay on earth. Would you recommend earth to a friend?

"I'll wait for the universe to end and the binge watch it."

"These humans are very primitive, some of them still judge each other on the basis of their skin pigmentation."

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

"Good game."

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

'Houston, I'm prepared to land...'

"Our light bill is astronomical living next to a black hole."

"Don't worry, they normally look like little humans during the early scans."

Outer Space Outsourcing

"Houston, we have a problem."

You too?! I go around feeling half asleep all the time also!

"Abduction 101, when abducting eggs from a primitive planet always lower the temperature in the ship!"

"Oh, great - They changed the Meaning of Life again."

'You forgot to pay the gravity bill, didn't you?'

C'mon, it'll be fun! I'll throw on some stars, pop in a few planets, drum up a life form or two, and this place will be hoppin'! The Big Shebang Theory.

'BANG' and a cosmology institute appears.

"Up here, light is neither a particle nor a wave. It's a liquid."

"An un-observed universe ceases to exist. Yeah right!"

God Sneezes Out Creation

Chiller Theatre

"On the eighth day, God found a lot of assembly parts left over."

"I've heard that seeing the earth from outer space can really change your perspective. I couldn't agree more."

'...heard the one about the Venusian, the Martian and the Saturnian?'

"Stupid map ... that dot must cover 10,000 cubic light years."

'Gravity...Go figure!'

'You caught it, you gut it!'

"When we're home, are we still aliens?"

Clown God

"Did you remember to back up the last 4.5 billion years?"

"Hey! If you're here to marvel at the smallness of your existence within a glorious, vast and unknowable universe, there's a line!"