Cosmic Gifts

"The worst thing about having aliens abduct you is that they say they’re going to call, but they never do."

Occu-Pie Mars

"Our light bill is astronomical living next to a black hole."

"We only got six days of funding."

"Don't worry, they normally look like little humans during the early scans."

Molecular Biology and Cosmology buildings

"Something very big buried a lot of bones here."

Alien David statue

You too?! I go around feeling half asleep all the time also!

'But what is the universe for?'

"Abduction 101, when abducting eggs from a primitive planet always lower the temperature in the ship!"

"Houston, we have a problem."

'You forgot to pay the gravity bill, didn't you?'

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

C'mon, it'll be fun! I'll throw on some stars, pop in a few planets, drum up a life form or two, and this place will be hoppin'! The Big Shebang Theory.

'BANG' and a cosmology institute appears.

Chiller Theatre

"Up here, light is neither a particle nor a wave. It's a liquid."

The difference between cosmology and cosmetology.

"Ooh look Derek. A shooting star. Quick make a wish"

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

"On the eighth day, God found a lot of assembly parts left over."

'I don't know which was prettier - the meteor shower or the cascade of flaming space junk.'

"Honestly, I didn't know your wife was in the shower."

"I've heard that seeing the earth from outer space can really change your perspective. I couldn't agree more."

Marry me astronaut

Alien embryo growing in earth.

'Gravity...Go figure!'

God not-too-happy with the Humans sticking a 'Closing DOWN Sale!' sign on planet Earth

"Stupid map ... that dot must cover 10,000 cubic light years."

Zenemies.

"Hey! If you're here to marvel at the smallness of your existence within a glorious, vast and unknowable universe, there's a line!"

The Lost World: You are Here

'You caught it, you gut it!'

"Of course it's alien abductions! How else would you explain the, 'November Phenomenon'?"