Cosmetic Nurse Gifts

'...and don't forget, say something nice about her collagen implants.'

Nice boobs. Where did you buy them?

'She and her sillicone injections!'

Plastic surgery clinic - "What are you having done?"

"Hmmm... I don't think they used the right kind of silicone on yours."

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

Men find this shampoo irresistible. It's called 'Gee, Your Hair Smells Like A New Car'.

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

"My, grandma, what a big nose you have! Let's take a little off the sides."

"Can you make wishes on fake eyelashes?"

"I never thought turning eighty would be so much fun!"

This cream won't get rid of cellulite...it just makes it easier to slide into your jeans.

Meanwhile in Hollywood

'Have you no common scents?!'

'I ask her to make up her mind. So she powders her forehead.'

What price beauty?

"No, Doris, not implants!"

"Pssst! I had some CGI done."

"Eternally youthful complexion? Here's the deal. Never go out in the sun. Never eat dessert. And, for God's sake, don't smile."

'Maybe a helium boob job wasn't such a good idea,babe!'

"He wants to be a plastic surgeon when he grows up."

"Really? You can make me look younger!"

'Ok. Now I'm sexy.'

Do you think I'm sixty?

"They've got me doing cosmetics research."

'I did have a tummy-tuck...But I opted for reconstruction surgery at the same time.'

"Went with the hair plugs I see."

'Of course she hasn't aged a bit. She's married to a plastic surgeon!'

'I know you'll find this hard to believe but I am actually a self made man.'

Woman applying makeup

Become a Cosmetic Surgeon - Raise a Few Eyebrows!

"If they do let anyone go I don't think age will be a consideration. You shouldn't kill yourself trying to look younger than you are."

Cosmetics. Helps get rid of crow's feet.

Facelift Book.

'Here's the name of my cosmetic brain surgeon. He make you look smarter.'