Cosmetic Nurse Gifts

'...and don't forget, say something nice about her collagen implants.'

Why the long face? Botched plastic surgery. Did you think I was a horse?

Nice boobs. Where did you buy them?

'She and her sillicone injections!'

Plastic surgery clinic - "What are you having done?"

"Hmmm... I don't think they used the right kind of silicone on yours."

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

Men find this shampoo irresistible. It's called 'Gee, Your Hair Smells Like A New Car'.

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

"My, grandma, what a big nose you have! Let's take a little off the sides."

The difference between cosmology and cosmetology.

"Can you make wishes on fake eyelashes?"

"I never thought turning eighty would be so much fun!"

This cream won't get rid of cellulite...it just makes it easier to slide into your jeans.

Meanwhile in Hollywood

'Have you no common scents?!'

'I ask her to make up her mind. So she powders her forehead.'

What price beauty?

"Pssst! I had some CGI done."

"No, Doris, not implants!"

"Eternally youthful complexion? Here's the deal. Never go out in the sun. Never eat dessert. And, for God's sake, don't smile."

"He wants to be a plastic surgeon when he grows up."

'Maybe a helium boob job wasn't such a good idea,babe!'

'Ok. Now I'm sexy.'

Do you think I'm sixty?

"Really? You can make me look younger!"

"They've got me doing cosmetics research."

'I did have a tummy-tuck...But I opted for reconstruction surgery at the same time.'

Woman applying makeup

'I know you'll find this hard to believe but I am actually a self made man.'

"Went with the hair plugs I see."

Become a Cosmetic Surgeon - Raise a Few Eyebrows!

"If they do let anyone go I don't think age will be a consideration. You shouldn't kill yourself trying to look younger than you are."

'Of course she hasn't aged a bit. She's married to a plastic surgeon!'

Cosmetics. Helps get rid of crow's feet.