Cosmetic Professional Gifts

'Don't move.'

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

Men find this shampoo irresistible. It's called 'Gee, Your Hair Smells Like A New Car'.

Bad fake tan day.

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

"My, grandma, what a big nose you have! Let's take a little off the sides."

"Can you make wishes on fake eyelashes?"

"I never thought turning eighty would be so much fun!"

This cream won't get rid of cellulite...it just makes it easier to slide into your jeans.

"Whoa. Jeff. Looks like you got that job at the cosmetic testing lab."

Meanwhile in Hollywood

For heavens sake,put some make-up on!

'Have you no common scents?!'

'I ask her to make up her mind. So she powders her forehead.'

What price beauty?

"No, Doris, not implants!"

"Pssst! I had some CGI done."

"Eternally youthful complexion? Here's the deal. Never go out in the sun. Never eat dessert. And, for God's sake, don't smile."

'Maybe a helium boob job wasn't such a good idea,babe!'

"He wants to be a plastic surgeon when he grows up."

"I feel bad for the companies that make lipstick."

"Really? You can make me look younger!"

Why weren't we born rich instead of beautiful?

Do you think I'm sixty?

"They've got me doing cosmetics research."

Woman applying makeup

'I know you'll find this hard to believe but I am actually a self made man.'

"If they do let anyone go I don't think age will be a consideration. You shouldn't kill yourself trying to look younger than you are."

'Of course she hasn't aged a bit. She's married to a plastic surgeon!'

Become a Cosmetic Surgeon - Raise a Few Eyebrows!

"Well, what number sunscreen are you using?"

"Went with the hair plugs I see."

Cosmetics. Helps get rid of crow's feet.

"Botox."