Cosmetic Collector Pillows

Mooseturizer

"You left your makeup bag? At my place? Really? Let me look for it..."

Bill Jones - Bill Jones w/out makeup

"More concealer?"

"Fine, but that's the old you talking. The new you would never ask for a refund."

'Did you deduct a pound for makeup?'

Avon lady (selling foundation cream) tapping a builder on the shoulder.

'It's a new scent...for horsewomen! We call it 'Roadapple'.'

Cosmetics Dept: 'Maybe you've been using paint, when you should be using nails...'

'Darling you are as pretty as ever you were - it just takes you longer to achieve it...'

Styling gel/styling wax/styling mousse

A new you. 'First, you've got to stop lying about you age.' It didn't start off well.

"When they say it would send him wild I thought they meant with DESIRE!"

Woman applying makeup

"My girlfriend wants to make up. What would you recommend?"

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

Shampoo.

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

'Be ready in a minute - just have to put on my face.'

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

"That product you are using is fantastic. Your eye bags are gone."

'I love shopping for clothing I don't need with money I don't have.'

'Maybe I should get a shopping cart.'

'Don't you try those cheap scare tactics with me, Rendleman!'

His cubicle had come to be known as 'Teddy Bear Heaven'.

Tragedy/Schadenfreude

"I feel bad for the companies that make lipstick."

'Hello, I'm your understudy.'

"They were built during a pandemic."

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

"My scoop-back tank comes in Mango, Morning Glory, and Scallion. Don's Maori surfers are available in Iris, Mustard, and Prawn."

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

Tragedy, Comedy, 'Dramedy'