Corporatism Gifts

Commercial space travel is expensive.

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"I don't like getting bogged down in details. I'm more of a big-picture guy."

'No, your guess isn't as good as mine.'

The Solar System (after deregulation)

'I'm judging by your silence Al that you're giving me the green light on the Greenwich project. I just want to say that I admire your leadership. I guess that's why you've been running this company for 20 years.'

'No, it's not really good - that's our lawsuits-to-earnings ratio.'

Welcome to the Team

He was destined for greatness. Whatever that meant.

"I'm overpaid and underworked, but you don't see me complaining!"

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

'Do you want to tell them their department is being downsized again, or should I?'

"Cash, Jordan. That's what separates man from the apes."

Parade of Businessmen

"You're on top of this week's Sales Pyramid."

"How can you have a meteoric rise to the top in a one-story building?"

"He'll do anything to say in power."

The man who invented the wheel/The man who patented the wheel.

Dogs reviewing organizational chart - 'Hunter can eat Spanky or Fido, Spanky can eat Spot or Duke,....' and so on.

'I'm part of the decision-making process... I'm the 'No' part.'

"At the end of the day, I always feel I could have shifted more blame."

'By the time I climbed up to this job, I was too tired to do it.'

'Remember - Reilly's Chairman of the Board, but Henderson's the Alpha male.'

'...and this time Gerald, don't refer to the RBS as the Ripoff Bonus Scheme!'

Scapegoat of the Year

'That's my 'job security' barometer.'

"Ms. Ray, you're getting a promotion! You're no longer my Gal Friday. You're now my Gal Saturday."

"You know, there's a corporate elevator."

"Hank brings five years of top sales experience to our team so lets try to make him feel welcome as he makes you all look bad."

"You haven't been laid off because you're the designated scapegoat."

"Gentlemen, I've called this meeting to discuss absenteeism."

'As my subordinate, naturally I expect you to take the heat on things that otherwise would make me uncomfortable.'

'Here are some bonus checks. Distribute them unfairly.'

Downward arrow on progress chart goes through the floor: 'OK, I know this doesn't look good ...'