Corporate World Gifts

"I thought it was legal-I wrote it on a legal pad."

Your proposal is bold and innovative but we are a traditional corporation. I would prefer changes like the ones we've tried before

'What we need is a decision, not more foot-dragging.'

'They never let you forget that your intellectual property belongs to them.'

'According to Legal, just THINKING about this project is an infringement of someone's copyright!'

'An MBA from Harvard is quite impressive. But you'll still have to start off at the bottom here. You start serving coffee in the cafeteria on Monday.'

"Sounds good. We'll just have to run it by the Hawaiian Shirts."

"We're recommending a risky strategy for your company, so I'd appreciate if you paid before you leave."

'I've never actually seen a corporate ladder before.'

Save the earth/Make Money.

'We won't exactly be firing you, Brubaker. However we are switching to an all-volunteer work force.'

'I'll never forget that day as long as I live. I was in court, delivering my final arguments in a pesky little environmental case, and I actually felt my conscience leave my body!'

'It's not about raising expectations, it's about our customers lowering theirs.'

"Miss Davis, bring me everything we've got on turning a two-bit hole-in-the-wall operation into a multinational juggernaut."

"Oh, fine, thanks. And yourself?"

"Bad news, hon. I got replaced by an app."

"We're looking for people to fire."

"In order to raise some working capital, the company has sold your souls to the devil"

"I'm not unwilling to take risks. I'd just like them to be at someone else's expense."

'In the absence of an agenda I thought I'd spend the next couple of hours droning on and on about anything that pops into my head!'

'As meetings go that was one of my better ones!'

'Is there any truth in the rumour that there's someone sitting around this table who hasn't got an ulcer?'

'Under new business, is anyone wearing a wire?'

"It's always cozy in here. We're insulated by layers of bureaucracy."

"It turns out the thing that makes my career fulfilling is making more money than other people."

'These business meetings are like panda matings...The expectations are always high, but the results are usually disappointing.'

"Upstairs is throwing capital gains taxes out the window."

"What we're going to say to the jury is 'Love the embezzler. Hate the embezzlement."

"Better than a business model, I have a business scheme."

'Not to worry. The shareholders packed your golden parachute.'

Former Fortune 500 Corporate Executive Until My Salary Became Linked to My Performance

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

"I hate performance review season."

"To retain our staus as an equal opportunities employer...."

"As corporate sniper, you'll of course be given an office with a window."